Tax Hikes and BackUps
by DanielFactoid
Summary: [complete]A scene for after TOW The Jam. Monica and Chandler talk, oneshot.


**I was just thinking about "TOW The Jam" and how close Monica was to going to the sperm bank. I thought the scene she had with Joey was perhaps one of the best ones on the show—and there a lot of good scenes on this show. When he hugged her with one arm (his other one was in a sling), I just thought it was perfect. **

**But then my Mondler side kicked in and I knew there was a perfect opportunity for a fic. And so, here it is. **

**Summary: A scene for after TOW The Jam. Monica and Chandler talk. Oneshot.**

**AN: Oh how I love "TOW The Birth". Probably the first serious pre-Mondler Mondler moment... Oh. Un-betaed. **

**I don't own "Friends" or anything associated with it. If I did, do you really think Richard would have shown up in "TOW The Proposal"? I didn't think so… **

**To Kevin M.- you gave me hell and the gift of patience, man. Thanks for hoping that I get Matthew P. **

**XXXXXXX**

"**Tax Hikes and Back-Ups" **

Monica stared down at the paper, a single tear in her eye. It slipped down her cheek and fell onto the sperm donor's application, smudging his number. She bit her lip, and another few tears trickled down. Joey was right, and she knew that; she might have thought she was ready for a child, but in reality, she knew she needed someone to be there with her. She knew she couldn't do it alone.

Sure, she could get pregnant. She could give birth, breastfeed a child. But raise one? She couldn't do that, let a child into the world without a real family.

She closed her eyes and leaned back. Well, it would sort of have a family. There was Ross. He'd be an uncle. He'd be a good uncle, she decided. After all, he was good father. He would play with his nephew or niece, make them laugh, smile.

Then there was Rachel and Phoebe. Well, they'd be like aunts. Monica smiled vaguely as she imagined a scene where Phoebe was strumming the guitar, singing "Smelly Cat", and a little Geller was sitting next to her, singing along.

A very small giggle escaped her somewhat-trembling lips as she imagined her daughter on her eighteenth birthday, being asked out by a forty-seven-year-old Joey. Despite his many sexual experiences, he had a sense of innocence about him, and Monica could see him leaning over the crib in her apartment, playing peek-a-boo.

And she smiled a little wider as Chandler entered her mental image, perhaps talking to the baby very seriously as he held the infant in his arms, asking little baby Geller what she thought of the latest tax hike. Or maybe he'd-

"Hey, Mon... what's up?"

She shook herself from her daydreaming and looked up to see Chandler. He did a double take as he saw her red eyes and tears.

"Uh… why are you crying?"

"I'm… I'm not crying," she replied, wiping her eyes dry on the back of her sleeve.

"Yes, and I'm not needy," he said with a small smile, and sat down next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders. "You okay?"

"Well… no. I'm crying, of course I'm not okay."

"You just said you weren't crying."

"And you just said you weren't needy. We all lie."

Chandler raised his eyebrows and picked up the smudged pages of sperm donors, flipping through them, "Hey, number 95678. He's watched 'Star Wars' 146 times… you should so pick him…"

She let out a stifled sob and shook her head, "I'm not picking any of them… I'm not going through with it."

Chandler let out a sigh and turned the papers over, shoving them to the other side of the table. He put his other hand on her knee and squeezed it lightly, saying, "Well, I think… I think that's a good idea."

She looked up into his eyes, "You do?"

He nodded. "Absolutely… I mean, you're so ready for this, but I think… I mean… you should… it's just not…"

She smiled, "You planning on finishing those sentences?"

He rolled his eyes, "I think you should just wait until you've got someone-"

"I had _Richard_, Chandler, I thought he was the _one_, but now… I understand, you know, waiting for the right time, when I'm married and I've got a house and all that… but how do I know that will actually happen?"

Another sigh escaped him, but he smiled a bit as he kissed her on the cheek, "Oh, I know."

"But _how _do you know? How do you know I won't become some old spinster who lives by herself in a huge house, with so many cats that she can't even count them all?"

"Well, for one thing, you're more of a dog person," he said with a smile as he rubbed her arm comfortingly. "And for another, you've got me."

She sighed and put her head on his chest, "What do you mean?"

"I'm your back-up. If you're not married by the time you're 40, I'm marrying you, and we'll have all the kids you want."

"Spending the rest of my life with _you_?"

An expression of hurt flitted across his face, "Ouch."

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that… it's just… I want to marry some I fell in love with, you know?"

"Are you saying you can't fall in love with me?" he said accusingly.

"Well… yeah," she admitted.

"Can't blame you," he said, and kissed her forehead.

"Well… what if you get married before I'm 40? What do I do then?"

"Oh, please. Me get married before you? There's more of a chance that Joey will fall madly in love with Janice."

She laughed, "Well… okay. I guess."

"Okay… I actually have to get back… Joey just sent me over here to see how you were doing, I've got a date with Janice in twenty minutes," he said, and Monica detached herself from him, her eyes no longer red.

He stood up, "So, you're going to be fine?"

She nodded.

He grinned and stuck out his hand. Understanding, she high-fived it, smiling. He walked towards the door and opened it, but she said, "Hey, Chandler?"

He turned around, "Yep?"

"What if I want seven kids?"

"Is that all at once, or at different times? Because I'm not sure that many of my swimmers will go the extra lap at one time," he said, his grin widening.

She just laughed.

XXXXXXX

**And the End. Reviews are, as always, welcome. Now, no more fics until September 7 or until I finish my homework. So if anyone has an idea for a regular story with the theme of "I Wonder Why…" please tell me! Help! Gah! **


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